Square space allows you to populate your own website with some really cool stuff. And when I started this website using their easy to use functions, I decided to include a blog section of which, admittedly, I haven’t used…ever. Until today. So here goes - my first blog entry.
Firsts are important. They are a commitment to entering voids, or entering new territory, or confronting the unknown. They also occur naturally and sometimes you never even realize what that “first” was like until you take the time to reflect off of it. But as is with many things in this world, the attachment to newness and grasping for it can cause problems. It can cause suffering. Expecting that within the mundane grind of everyday, you should receive something new that will shake things up can be a form of delusion. I think I’m guilty of that often. As much as something new really does shake things up, it’s also detrimental to desire it or to look for it - sometimes in my case obsessively and believing that I am entitled to it.
Firsts can be enticing. Firsts can be addictive. Firsts can be instructive. Firsts can be liberating. Firsts can rejuvenate.
Firsts can also be frightening and I’m sure there are the polar opposites of me who don’t want firsts to come. They don’t welcome new things in life. They want things to stay the same. There are too many uncontrollables to attend to. Firsts are overrated. If it aint broke, don’t fix it. Are there people like that out in the world? Those who don’t appreciate new things happening or having too many firsts in life?
At this point, since this is going to be a free form blog, most likely improvised each time I publish it, with little editing and pre-thought, I think I will establish from here out that I only spend about 10 minutes for each blog entry, try to write at least once a day if not every other day and end with questions rather than answers in my blogs.
I’ve had a lot of firsts recently, even in my mid-40’s stage of my life. Firsts in exhibiting in New York City. Firsts in receiving awards for my work. Just within the past few years or so. And I believe I’m come to search for these firsts some more. And in doing so, I’ve developed an attitude of being somewhat depressed when I get rejected from other “first” opportunities. I keep thinking to myself - “this could be it, another first to add to my resume". And then it doesn’t happen. So maybe it would behoove me to let go of that desire to be fulfilled by firsts. Or maybe I should be thinking that these rejections of opportunity should be looked at as “firsts” of being rejected from that very opportunity and then allowing that to be enticing, or addictive, or instructive, or liberating, or rejuvenating. Is that possible to look fondly upon first rejections and to turn it around that I am able to smile and enjoy rejection or lost opportunity just the same as positive or gained opportunities and firsts? I think I’ll try this. It could be a first.